by Rebekka | Oct 4, 2013 | Uncategorized
Before I became a solution-focused therapist, I was unintentionally doing some very solution-focused things in my personal life.
For example, when I was in my undergrad program, I experienced my first real heartbreak, and it was incredibly tough for me to get through that time, I was feeling incredibly insecure and sad. I found myself thinking that I simply wasn’t good enough for the amazing girl who broke up with me, and therefore how could I ever be good enough for any great girl in the future. I was real down on myself for several weeks.
So when I finally got sick of feeling that way, what I did to help myself was to make a list of the reasons I had to be confidant in my life thus far, a list that included my accomplishments, my seemingly desirable attributes, and things that were in my life that I liked and hoped would stay around. Then, I made a list of the things I had to look forward to in the near and distant future. That list included things like small fun events coming up, time with friends I had planned, as well as classes I was taking and jobs I hoped to have as a professional.
Making those lists, immediately gave me several good things to think about.
The first one provided me with some much needed & undeniable evidence of my strengths, and the good things I had going for me, which helped me to realize that I had reason to feel happy & proud of myself, and to carry some swagger as I moved through the day.
The second list served to provide me with some much needed hope for what was to come in my life professionally and personally.
Little did I know that doing that exercise as a means of coping with a tough situation, was direct practice for the kinds of questions I would later ask my amazing clients as a professional psychotherapist.
Hmm…maybe…in the grand scheme of things…it wasn’t really accidental after-all.
With hope, confidence, and a bit of faith,
Rebekka Ouer, LCSW
@LGBT_Counselor on Twitter
Rebekka@DallasRainbowCounseling.com
by Rebekka | Sep 18, 2013 | Uncategorized
Recently, my 2 officemates and I started writing down 3 gratitudes a day on a whiteboard we share in our file-room. There is research out there that says doing this is helpful for your mood, & I was curious about that. So as I started to write things down every day, big and small, I waited to notice the overall big picture effect it might have.
One day, a couple of weeks into this experiment, I was driving home and I pulled up to a left turn on a busy street, just as the green arrow turned on, and I thought, “there’s a little candidate for tomorrow’s list.” Then traffic was super light on the way home, and I considered that, too. The next day, I got home to a meal cooked by my fiancee, and noted that as a potential list maker, and later as I was cuddling with my super sweet cat, it hit me. I realized, then, that this habit was causing me to consciously recognize even just the smallest things that I have to be grateful for everyday. I also began to notice the difference this started to make in my mood, as I was hunting for gratitudes throughout the day.
I noticed stuff like cooler weather, fun conversations with my dad, people letting me into tight spots as I maneuvered through traffic, & even how tasty my French-Press coffee is every morning.
And every time I noticed something, I would feel it bump my mood up.
I plan to keep this habit going now, and hope that some of you try it out as well. If you do, I would love to hear the effect is has on you.
Gratefully,
Rebekka Ouer, LCSW
Rebekka@DallasRainbowCounseling.com
@LGBT_Counselor on Twitter
by Rebekka | Aug 20, 2013 | Uncategorized
Ask yourself these questions about the people you’re thinking of coming out to, then answer them honestly, thoughtfully & thoroughly,
- After each and every question ask yourself “What else?” Until you literally can’t think of anything else to add to that particular answer.
- Why is this person who you want to come out to, important to you?
- What is it about you, that you want them to know? (Go beyond the ‘coming out’ information, and think about what else it is about you that you want them to know after you come out)
- Why is it important to you that they know this about you?
- How are you hoping your relationship with this person will look, after this revelation?
- What clues might you notice that would confirm for you that it is the right time to come out to this person?
- How would you know that telling them really was the right decision, after you’ve done it?
- What do you know about them that gives you hope that, though this revelation might be tough, & they may take it hard at first, they will eventually be able to come through for you?
- What about you, do you hope this person is able to remind themselves of, as they process this possibly tough information?
- How might you respond to a tough reaction they may have, that may help remind them of these amazing things about you?
- If this is difficult for them to hear, and they don’t process it as fast as you hope they will, what is the best possible way for you to respond to the situation between now and the time that it gets easier?
- Having answered all of these questions, on a scale from 0-10, where 10 is you feel totally ready and safe to come out to this person, and 0 is the opposite, where are you now?
- How would you know it moved up, even just a little bit?
- What number would you need to be, on the day you do come out?
Was this helpful? Let me know here or at my email below
Rebekka Ouer, LCSW
Rebekka@DallasRainbowCounseling.com
