by Rebekka | Sep 27, 2013 | Uncategorized
When I was in high school, I learned from my eye doctor that some people who have bad eye sight, eventually end up blind in old-age. Being a kid who wore glasses since kindergarden, this worried me a lot, and I shared my concern with one of my favorite teachers at the time. She looked at me thoughtfully and said the simplest most logical thing I’d ever heard. She said, “There’s absolutely nothing you can do to change this, Bekka, so why waste energy worrying about it?”.
Oh…well ok, that made so much sense to me that I was immediately done being concerned about that future possibility.
So much of the time, as I ask my clients how they’d like their lives to be different, they say something along the lines of desiring a future where they let worries go that they can’t control, and focusing instead on the things that they can. And when I see those clients again, and they’re better able to do that, they ALWAYS talk about what a huge difference that has made in their ability to feel happier and calmer throughout the day.
Conversations like that are always a nice reminder of Ms. T’s wise words back in high school.
Seeing clearer all the time,
Rebekka Ouer, LCSW
by Rebekka | Sep 18, 2013 | Uncategorized
Recently, my 2 officemates and I started writing down 3 gratitudes a day on a whiteboard we share in our file-room. There is research out there that says doing this is helpful for your mood, & I was curious about that. So as I started to write things down every day, big and small, I waited to notice the overall big picture effect it might have.
One day, a couple of weeks into this experiment, I was driving home and I pulled up to a left turn on a busy street, just as the green arrow turned on, and I thought, “there’s a little candidate for tomorrow’s list.” Then traffic was super light on the way home, and I considered that, too. The next day, I got home to a meal cooked by my fiancee, and noted that as a potential list maker, and later as I was cuddling with my super sweet cat, it hit me. I realized, then, that this habit was causing me to consciously recognize even just the smallest things that I have to be grateful for everyday. I also began to notice the difference this started to make in my mood, as I was hunting for gratitudes throughout the day.
I noticed stuff like cooler weather, fun conversations with my dad, people letting me into tight spots as I maneuvered through traffic, & even how tasty my French-Press coffee is every morning.
And every time I noticed something, I would feel it bump my mood up.
I plan to keep this habit going now, and hope that some of you try it out as well. If you do, I would love to hear the effect is has on you.
Gratefully,
Rebekka Ouer, LCSW
Rebekka@DallasRainbowCounseling.com
@LGBT_Counselor on Twitter
by Rebekka | Feb 14, 2013 | Uncategorized
Coming out as gay or lesbian is a process, and it means different things to each individual who goes through it. When a client comes into my office struggling with the coming out process, I typically take them through an exercise that creates a clear understanding of what they REALLY want, which is typically not to ‘come out’ per say, but to experience the positive IMPACTS of coming out.
So, if you are struggling with coming out, think about what positive impact coming out might have on your life, and make a list of ways you would notice those impacts. Maybe you’ll find that you can do some of those things on your list without taking a leap you’re not ready for yet, and those things may in-turn, help you gain the strength you need to take that leap.
Want an example to start with? Here is an example of a small list of typical ‘impacts’ clients say they think will occur as a result of coming out to themselves, and others. (keep in mind, my clients and I make lists of at least 25, and usually more…the more details you give, the more likely you are to notice the progress you eventually make.)
Signs of the positive impacts coming out might have:
1. Feeling more confidant
2. being more social with coworkers and friends
3. eating healthier
4. being honest about my weekend plans to folks who ask
5. looking people in the eye more
6. laughing more with acquaintances
7. walking taller at work or around town
8. smiling more
9. being more focused at work, getting more done
10. feeling calmer throughout the day
11. holding hands with my spouse in public more often
12. working out regularly
13…
14…
15…
Still feeling a bit stuck?
Call me, I’m happy to help you find your unique solutions.
Rebekka Ouer, LMSW
Dallas Rainbow Counseling
214-616-5082
Rebekka@DallasRainbowCounseling.com
