by Rebekka | Aug 20, 2013 | Uncategorized
Ask yourself these questions about the people you’re thinking of coming out to, then answer them honestly, thoughtfully & thoroughly,
- After each and every question ask yourself “What else?” Until you literally can’t think of anything else to add to that particular answer.
- Why is this person who you want to come out to, important to you?
- What is it about you, that you want them to know? (Go beyond the ‘coming out’ information, and think about what else it is about you that you want them to know after you come out)
- Why is it important to you that they know this about you?
- How are you hoping your relationship with this person will look, after this revelation?
- What clues might you notice that would confirm for you that it is the right time to come out to this person?
- How would you know that telling them really was the right decision, after you’ve done it?
- What do you know about them that gives you hope that, though this revelation might be tough, & they may take it hard at first, they will eventually be able to come through for you?
- What about you, do you hope this person is able to remind themselves of, as they process this possibly tough information?
- How might you respond to a tough reaction they may have, that may help remind them of these amazing things about you?
- If this is difficult for them to hear, and they don’t process it as fast as you hope they will, what is the best possible way for you to respond to the situation between now and the time that it gets easier?
- Having answered all of these questions, on a scale from 0-10, where 10 is you feel totally ready and safe to come out to this person, and 0 is the opposite, where are you now?
- How would you know it moved up, even just a little bit?
- What number would you need to be, on the day you do come out?
Was this helpful? Let me know here or at my email below
Rebekka Ouer, LCSW
Rebekka@DallasRainbowCounseling.com
by Rebekka | Jul 22, 2013 | Uncategorized
Think for a minute about the last time you got into a heated argument with someone you care about.
Now answer this 2 part question:
If you now, knowing what you know about how that day and event unfolded, were to find yourself and your loved one heading in that exact direction again, what might you do differently & how might that make a difference in the way things happened?
I imagine that your honest and well thought out answer to that question has a much bigger chance of actually working, than ANY piece of advice anyone could give you would.
Here’s to next time’s success,
Rebekka
Questions? Call me, email me, or set up an appointment by going to
DallasRainbowCounseling.com
by Rebekka | Jun 17, 2013 | Uncategorized
One of my clients recently sat down on my couch and grabbed one of the pillows I have there, and said…”man..if these pillows could talk, huh?” And I said…”yeah…they would go on and on about all of the amazing people they get to come into contact with everyday, I think they’d say they felt like the luckiest pillows on the planet.” I think my client was little surprised by my response, but by the end of our conversation, she had a clearer understanding of why I might respond that way.
Every client that I see has their own unique set of hopes, talents, strengths, resources, & coping skills. In other words…they all have their own “Amazing” within them…and I get to spend an hour with them, doing what I call “Mining for good”, which is really just talking about that amazing, noticing it, and asking questions about it that lead to a clearer understanding of where my client wants to be, and how they might be able to get there. I have the best job on the planet, and the clients that I meet are all the most amazing person I can imagine ever meeting….it’s actually very cool.
So, if you spent some time mining for your own good, and searching for your own amazing, I wonder what difference realizing what those things are might make in your life. I wonder how being cognizant of your strengths, talents, hopes and coping skills might be helpful for you? I wonder what it is about you, and your unique ‘amazing’, that makes the people in your life lucky to know you.
Happy Mining,
Rebekka
by Rebekka | Jun 5, 2013 | Uncategorized
Sometimes, in the process of self-discovery, folks in the LGBT community make realizations about their lives that require some painful honesty with the people that they love most. I frequently have conversations in my counseling office with individuals who are carefully navigating their steps towards a preferred future that they know will be incredibly difficult for some of the closest people in their lives. For instance, when someone in a heterosexual relationship can no longer deny that they are gay, or when someone in a long term relationship of any kind, can no longer deny that they are trans.
Whenever someone comes into my office at the tipping point this kind of difficult realization, I think that the best, most respectful place for me to be, is behind them, asking questions directed at the destination they are working towards. Why do I do that? Well…this quote sums it up best, I think:
“If you want to build a ship, don’t drum up the men to gather wood, divide the work, and give orders. Instead, teach them to yearn for the vast and endless sea.”
― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
I firmly believe that imagining the details of your destination is crucial when you’re looking to gain the courage to take the next small step towards it, especially when those steps involve saying or doing difficult things to the one’s you love most.
So I don’t give a lot of advice, or shine a light on a difficult step pointing out how hard it will be to take. Instead I choose to stand behind you, out of your way, and shine a light on the destination, knowing that because that truly is where you yearn to go, you will have no choice but to continue moving towards it.
Bon Voyage,
Rebekka
by Rebekka | Mar 22, 2013 | Uncategorized
Recently, my girlfriend and I have had a lot of fun together, and I made a conscience effort to recognize it, talk about it with her, and answer a few questions around it, in hopes that we can recreate it in the tougher times we’re certain to encounter moving forward. (I mean, life is life, right? Things are just tough sometimes..)
And it all got me thinking…
Every now and then, no matter whether things are going great or not-so-great, it is incredibly useful to think about what is going well in your life…in the moment. Now to do this effectively..without going back any further than say, the last two weeks for data, ask yourself these questions:
What things or happenings are you pleased with, right now? (try for at least 3…)
How are you contributing to it going so well? (4 things you’re doing…)
Who else has a part in what’s going well, and how are they contributing to it? (3 contributions per person…)
Do they know how you feel about it/that they are contributing to something good for you?
What difference might it make if they did know?
What might they say you’re doing to contribute to these good things?
What might you do to continue this in the coming days/weeks?
Then..when you’ve answered all of those questions, notice the snowball effect it might have on those good things in your life.
Making snowballs in the spring,
Rebekka
