Before I became a solution-focused therapist, I was unintentionally doing some very solution-focused things in my personal life.

For example, when I was in my undergrad program, I experienced my first real heartbreak, and it was incredibly tough for me to get through that time, I was feeling incredibly insecure and sad. I found myself thinking that I simply wasn’t good enough for the amazing girl who broke up with me, and therefore how could I ever be good enough for any great girl in the future. I was real down on myself for several weeks.

So when I finally got sick of feeling that way, what I did to help myself was to make a list of the reasons I had to be confidant in my life thus far, a list that included my accomplishments, my seemingly desirable attributes, and things that were in my life that I liked and hoped would stay around. Then, I made a list of the things I had to look forward to in the near and distant future. That list included things like small fun events coming up, time with friends I had planned, as well as classes I was taking and jobs I hoped to have as a professional. 

Making those lists, immediately gave me several good things to think about.

The first one provided me with some much needed & undeniable evidence of my strengths, and the good things I had going for me, which helped me to realize that I had reason to feel happy & proud of myself, and to carry some swagger as I moved through the day.

The second list served to provide me with some much needed hope for what was to come in my life professionally and personally. 

Little did I know that doing that exercise as a means of coping with a tough situation, was direct practice for the kinds of questions I would later ask my amazing clients as a professional psychotherapist. 

Hmm…maybe…in the grand scheme of things…it wasn’t really accidental after-all.

With hope, confidence, and a bit of faith,

Rebekka Ouer, LCSW

@LGBT_Counselor on Twitter 

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