If you are my client, and we are having a conversation in my office, YOU are the expert in the room, not me.




(Of course where safety and legality come in, there are exceptions to this rule.)

If you tell me that there is a little green woman on your shoulder, that only you can see and hear, that talks to you all day long, and you say that your hopes from our work together are to get along better with that woman so that you can get through your day productively, than that is where our conversations will be aimed. I will NOT argue with you about whether or not there is really a woman on your shoulder, I will not tell you that you are delusional and need psychotropic medications, I will simply try and find the next useful question to help you get to your preferred future. Because I truly believe that doing that is the most helpful thing that I can do for you. I will work with you in your reality and craft questions around helping you move forward in a way that is right for you.

Applied to the LGBT community, this means that YOU are the expert on your gender identity and expression, YOU are the expert on what’s right for you in your relationship, YOU are the expert about your spirituality and how you feel that plays into your life, if at all. My expertise is crafting useful questions to help you move towards the life that you want to live in the way that you hope to live it, and then getting out of your way as you move forward. And if what I’m doing isn’t working for you, YOU are the expert about whether or not you want to come back to see me.

I will NEVER have thoughts that you are ‘resistant’ or ‘hopeless’ or that I know better than you about what’s right for your life. A lot of other therapists might, but as a solution-focused therapist, I simply won’t.

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