Ask yourself these questions about the people you’re thinking of coming out to, then answer them honestly, thoughtfully & thoroughly, 

  • After each and every question ask yourself  “What else?” Until you literally can’t think of anything else to add to that particular answer.


  1. Why is this person who you want to come out to, important to you?
  2. What is it about you, that you want them to know?  (Go beyond the ‘coming out’ information, and think about what else it is about you that you want them to know after you come out)
  3. Why is it important to you that they know this about you?
  4. How are you hoping your relationship with this person will look, after this revelation?
  5. What clues might you notice that would confirm for you that it is the right time to come out to this person?
  6. How would you know that telling them really was the right decision, after you’ve done it?
  7. What do you know about them that gives you hope that, though this revelation might be tough, & they may take it hard at first, they will eventually be able to come through for you?
  8. What about you, do you hope this person is able to remind themselves of, as they process this possibly tough information?
  9. How might you respond to a tough reaction they may have, that may help remind them of these amazing things about you?
  10. If this is difficult for them to hear, and they don’t process it as fast as you hope they will, what is the best possible way for you to respond to the situation between now and the time that it gets easier?
  11. Having answered all of these questions, on a scale from 0-10, where 10 is you feel totally ready and safe to come out to this person, and 0 is the opposite, where are you now?
  • How would you know it moved up, even just a little bit?
  • What number would you need to be, on the day you do come out?


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Rebekka Ouer, LCSW

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