With the gay and lesbian couples I see, some weeks it seems like I hear a LOT about things not being ‘good enough’, even though there is REMARKABLE progress to report. It’s a kind of glass-half-empty sentiment that is very natural for a lot of people…just seeing the lack of perfection as evidence that you’ll never be where you want to be.

I had a couple in my office last week, who have experienced almost two straight weeks of ‘better’, (& I mean MUCH better) but said that they are incredibly frustrated by the fight they had during that time, because they ‘shouldn’t’ be fighting at all, and ‘what does that say about us that we can do so well but still have stupid fights’?

Well…I think that it says that you are human.

I’m curious about what it says about you that you’ve had 2 great weeks in a row where you were able to feed your relationship in a way that was right for you, avoid fights, be as intimate as you’ve wanted, and get along as well as you have since you first got together?

That says to me that you’re working INCREDIBLY hard to be your best & improve your relationship, and it seems to be paying off…big time.

Give yourself credit for the good stuff…notice it, talk about it, focus on it and forgive yourself for falling back a bit on a rough day in a rough moment.

Then, simply repeat.

Yeah, you’re getting the idea now…


Your Amazing

One of my clients recently sat down on my couch and grabbed one of the pillows I have there, and said…”man..if these pillows could talk, huh?” And I said…”yeah…they would go on and on about all of the amazing people they get to come into contact with everyday, I think they’d say they felt like the luckiest pillows on the planet.” I think my client was little surprised by my response, but by the end of our conversation, she had a clearer understanding of why I might respond that way. 

Every client that I see has their own unique set of hopes, talents, strengths, resources, & coping skills. In other words…they all have their own “Amazing” within them…and I get to spend an hour with them, doing what I call “Mining for good”, which is really just talking about that amazing, noticing it, and asking questions about it that lead to a clearer understanding of where my client wants to be, and how they might be able to get there. I have the best job on the planet, and the clients that I meet are all the most amazing person I can imagine ever meeting….it’s actually very cool. 

So, if you spent some time mining for your own good, and searching for your own amazing, I wonder what difference realizing what those things are might make in your life. I wonder how being cognizant of your strengths, talents, hopes and coping skills might be helpful for you? I wonder what it is about you, and your unique ‘amazing’, that makes the people in your life lucky to know you. 

Happy Mining,


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