The difference between a fight, and a constructive conversation, all lies in where you choose to focus.

For example, I had a couple in my office recently, and the conversation between them quickly turned argumentative with one accusing the other of ‘always being disrespectful about my family’.

Before they could spiral downward I asked one quick question, and the conversation turned on its heels from an accusatory, frustrating argument, to a solution focused and complimentary discussion.

I asked this: “If both of you were able to be at your absolute best the next time this topic of family comes up, how might the conversation look different?”

And together, we made a list of close to 40 things they would notice about that conversation including things like being patient, listening, being respectful, and even walking away for a minute if it got heated.  When they left that appointment they were both smiling, laughing and planning a fun night out together.


From problem talk to solution talk, in 1.3 seconds.



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